De profundis Clamavi

De profundis clamavi
How easy it is to betray yourself
Like a sleepwalking pirouette,
One graceful spin,
And the shadows swallow you whole
There are no sad goodbyes
When you betray yourself
No bitter kisses,
No mournful grips,
Just hazy and playful touches
As you sip from the drunken night
There are no memories
When you betray yourself
Just a story
Being rewritten
By assuring, foreign hands
Foreign powers, if you may
A sweet noise that covers
The remains of your fatal plunge
No one mourns you
When you betray yourself
As no one knows you are dead
It's the most cheerful sanatorium
If I ever saw one
In the eyes of others
You took your first step
To greatness
And just like that,
Before you know it
The whole world vanishes
Into thin air
And there
Before the wall of silence
You stand naked,
Hands livid,
Heart barely beating
You stand naked
Face to face with your ghost
One final supper,
One final losing card
In a foreign,
Smooth and reassuring game.
And there,
Before the horrid depths
Of your weakness
Before the shadows of all those hazy smiles,
Before the ruining images of your spectators
You try to make sense of it all
A faint, meandering echo from a past you barely remember
If only there was something to make sense of
And there,
Before the muted madness,
Before the scattering dust of your mind
You understand how cruel and bitter
Your defeat was,
So cruel, it had plundered you
Of even your last shred of dignifying agony
There are no sad goodbyes
When you betray yourself
Just a vast abyss, that swallowed whole
A vast abyss in which you shout
And cry
But even your heart won't listen
How easy it is to betray yourself...